A friend of mine, Felix, is visiting SA for the next few weeks. Chris and I took him out to Silvermine yesterday to get some climbing done.

Standard butt shot of an abseiler

Abseiling in to the crag was fun: at the end of it we were suspended in the air, feet touching nothing until we reached the bottom — although by this stage the bottom wasn’t far away. The serenity that comes when you’re hanging free from everything is something I enjoy a lot.

Felix clipping in to a bolt

The rest of the day was good fun, if uneventful. But it made me think of the changing face of my fear of heights / falling: I led the abseil down, and didn’t feel too nervous clipping in to the abseil or stepping over the edge. And these days I barely feel nervous when reaching the top of a route, or cleaning a route, or just enjoying the view. I can feel something that could grow into fear, but it’s at the back of my mind — like a forgotten word on the tip of your tongue. Thankfully, this particular word usually stays forgot.

But then I can still get nervous and sometimes out-and-out scared doing silly things, like walking along a trail with a steep drop-off to one side. Moments like that are extremely frustrating, but hopefully more exposure is going to help me cope in the areas where it still affects me.

Yesterday I felt the fear when we were climbing out of the crag: I’d reached the top of a route and was sitting on a three-by-two-or-so meter ledge, unclipped but perfectly safe. Still, I had to take a few minutes to relax enough before I could do a short (and safe) three meter climb up a chimney at the back of the ledge to top out and reach the path down.

So frustrating. But at least I’m coping with it substantially better than when I started, when it was fear and nerves all of the time.

After climbing, we landed up at Olympia Cafe for wine, supper, and relaxing.